I did NOT play an April Fool's joke on myself by taking four children shopping last week for Easter Sunday apparel. (And one of my children is recently adopted and had never been to a department store.)
I did NOT have two boys punch a whole rack of brassieres till the cups were concave as we walked past the lingerie department.
I did NOT have a son with digestive issues--backfiring more than a 1976 Chevy pick-up. Let's just say that he would not pass an emissions inspection. (I don't understand how a boy who spent the first 9 years of his life eating nothing but beans and rice has such trouble with a diet full of fruits and veggies.)
I did NOT have two daughters who seemed to pick only the clothes that were not on sale to want "so, so badly."
I did NOT have a daughter fall in love with a pair of denim shorts that looked like they had been ripped in an industrial accident and I did NOT have to convince this daughter that "distressed" was not a look we needed the fashion world to help us achieve.
I did NOT pray aloud as we passed the fine china department that if we got out of there without breaking something I'd never ask God for another thing.
My gassy guy did NOT clear the dressing room with his toxic fumes that could be both heard and smelled. And I was NOT massively embarrassed that there was a poor customer who said, "Good Lord!" as she exited half-dressed. (And I was NOT just a bit happy that we didn't have to wait to try on our clothes.)
I did NOT have three out of four of my kiddos (inspired by the music from the juniors department) burst into singing Beyonce's "All the Single Ladies" in Alvin and the Chipmunks voices.
I did NOT have all my children moan that their legs would certainly fall off if they had to take another step.
But I WAS grateful that I finally had Daniel home for his first Easter with our family. I was grateful to be so blessed with such an easy life that taking my kids shopping was the hardest part of my day. And I was certainly grateful to leave the mall hand-in-hand with my precious (although sometimes stinky) kids.
Banned From Belks,