Sunday Dinner: A Hope and a Future

Some of my best writing is done on napkins. These little notes tucked into my daughters' lunchboxes are my way to give them a mid-day hug in the school lunchroom. School starts tomorrow and I've just finished inscribing pep-talks on paper products.

I'll never forget the first day of school last year. Olivia was starting 7th grade and I wasn't sure if she had outgrown the whole note from mommy on a napkin thing. She was about to grab her lunchbox off the kitchen counter as we were heading out the door. I hadn't yet zipped it up and out of the corner of my eye I saw her open her lunchbox, flip part of the napkin over, and take a quick peek to see if I had written on it. I saw the corners of her mouth turn up into a smile showing me that she still appreciated the paper poetry. My heart rejoiced as I realized she'd never outgrow needing words of encouragement.

Do you ever feel like sometimes God writes on your napkin and when you least expect it, you find it in your lunchbox? There have been many times that I've felt that a scripture was written just for me.

This week's Sunday dinner scripture is a verse that is very special to me (I'll share that story later). I wrote this verse on my girls' napkins tonight along with some other words to start the school year.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

This scripture brings such peace--just hearing that He has plans to give us a hope and a future. I look at my children and claim this verse for their lives. As a parent, I want so badly to make the plans and know the plans for my children's lives. But, praise God, that He makes the plans and, oh, His plans are so much better than anything I could have dreamed up.

This week's dessert of song is a sweet one called "The Words I Would Say" by Sidewalk Prophets. It's the perfect back-to-school song. I just might need to jot some of these lyrics on a napkin.

This week, may you get a glimpse of God's plan for you to have a hope and a future!

More Than Lots,
Kathie

The Great Adoption Coordinator

There are clues when someone is newly pregnant. The kitchen cupboards are well-stocked with Saltines. There's a copy of "What to Expect When You're Expecting" on the bedside table. And the most prized possessions in that home are a stick that has been urinated on and an ultrasound photo proudly displayed on the refrigerator.

And then there are clues that an adoption is in its first trimester. The kitchen counters are overflowing with random papers from tax returns to veterinary records. There's a stack of books about attachment on the bedside table. And the most prized possessions are a copy of a completed homestudy and a referral photo proudly displayed on the refrigerator.

I guess like a second pregnancy, this second adoption already has me comparing our journey to Daniel with our journey to this next child. But it also has me remembering things long forgotten from that time three years ago when we were working on our paperwork for Daniel.

I remember a precious conversation I had with Ava one night as I was tucking her in bed. She asked, "Mom, if I had been a little girl in an orphanage, do you think you would have chosen me?"

My response came before she could even finish her sentence: "Oh, sweetheart, I would have known you were mine the minute I saw you. In fact, I know God would have put a longing in my spirit to find you and somehow God would have provided a way to bring you safely into my arms."

She smiled, so I knew I had passed the essay portion of this test. But I pondered this big question from my little girl (seven years old at the time). It gave a glimpse into how she was processing everything. I had been so worried about how our adopted child might feel left out because he was not given to us biologically, it never occurred to me that my biological children might feel left out not having been chosen through adoption.

Her question still makes me think. Would I really have found my tender-hearted treasure? Out of the approximately 147 million orphans, I've probably only seen photos of a few hundred. Photos that are usually just quick snapshots taken to provide some kind of documentation that this child exists. Bad lighting and bad angles--taken without warning of a child in need of a nap or a meal. That one photo that links them to the outside world and any possibility that they might find a family who can see beyond the orphanage haircut and runny nose.

It makes me look at listings of waiting children differently. It makes me wish that children who need families would no longer be invisible. That EVERY waiting child--all 147 million--could have their portrait taken by someone who could capture the twinkle in their eye and kindness in their smile. That every orphan could have pages written about them sharing what makes them special and what kind of family they long for. That each child could have a video clip giving prospective parents a preview of the melody of their laugh and the potential for their life.

No. It's not fair. It's not fair that often the children who are lucky enough to be listed on a waiting child page are often only afforded a photo the equivalent of a mug shot with a handful of words warning prospective parents of what might be "wrong" with them.

And yet . . . we serve a Mighty God who is the Author of Adoption and the only One who knows the exact number of orphans in the world today. He is able to take that photo and put it before the eyes of the person who will say, "This is my child." That He is greater than intercountry restrictions and governmental red-tape and one-dimensional photographs. The One who enables parents to look past the listing of needs and see only the word "special."

I see evidence of His handiwork when I get e-mail notifications that announce "My Family Found Me." I see photos from "gotcha days" and airport homecomings and cry tears of joy exclaiming "God, you are so good!"

He is . . . the Great Adoption Coordinator.

Three years ago, I tried to convince my daughter that had she been waiting in an orphanage, God would have put a longing in my spirit to find her and somehow He would have provided a way to bring her safely into my arms.

Today I know that it's true.

Gratefully His,

Kathie

P.S. Some of my favorite photolistings of waiting children are at Rainbow Kids, Precious.org , and Reece's Rainbow. They strive to provide the accurate information on the children, agencies, and programs available. Take a minute to look at the sweet faces. You just might find your child.

Sunday Dinner: Lists

I love lists. This is not due to stellar organizational skills but born of remarkable lack of memory. I also love makings lists because it helps me feel a sense of accomplishment in a world where sometimes the sun rises and sets and I often feel like I have done nothing but keep everyone in my care alive.

I have many lists I'm working off of now. There's the never-ending to-do list. There's the ever-changing grocery list. There's our adoption homestudy list. There's currently a school supply list.

The funny thing about lists are the items remaining when most of been marked off. What is it about those lingering items that are so tough? That phone call or errand on my to-do list that I'm just dreading and keep putting off. The item at the grocery store that I just can't seem to find. The item on the homestudy that seems impossible to get. That random school supply item that is out-of-stock.

The Bible seems to include many lists. Starting with the systematic creation of the world and continuing with the 10 Commandments.

One of my favorite lists is:

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."

Galations 5:22-23, NIV

I also love the passage about love:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

I Corinthians 13:4-7, NIV

What fabulous lists outlining a life that glorifies God. How convicting these lists can be when Christ is not evident in my words or actions.

When my children make poor choices, sometimes the consequence for that action is that they write a scripture verse pertaining to the poor choice. They write the verse numerous times based the child's age (thus my 10 year old would write the scripture 10 times). I have found it to be a great way to correct a child, especially at those times that I'm about exhibit a lack of "peace, patience, and self-control." It forces me to go to the Bible for answers and actually calms my child down as he/she sits and ponders those words.

Anyway, the above two "lists" from the Bible are verses used a lot. My kids know when I ask if they've been "patient and kind" or their behavior shows "they have been easily angered and are keeping record of wrongs" that some quality time with I Corinthians 13 is on the horizon.

Just like my daily lists, I have those lingering items in my daily walk that often are the last to be checked off. It isn't until I remember to go to the Author of those lists for help that I'm truly able to live out Galations 5 and I Corinthians 13.

The dessert of song is "Beautiful Lord" by Leeland. It's the perfect song for when I know I need God's help with those toughest items on my list. (And I just couldn't resist adding a Leeland song after some of his tunes reappeared on Playlist.com.)

Have a great week!

More Than Lots,
Kathie

Whatcha Reading Wednesday: Parenting Wisdom

Yep. I knew this would happen.

I resisted starting a blog because I knew it would give me one more thing to feel guilty about. And right now the guilt caused by the infrequency of my posts is ranking greater than my guilt over not cleaning out my fridge (that no doubt contains leftovers that could be donated to science) and less than my guilt of falling behind on my scrapbooks (I'm approximately 12 years 3 months behind).

Much of my silence is due to trying to pack as much as possible in the remaining days of summer, trying to get everyone ready for the school year ahead, and also working on our adoption homestudy. So if you will forgive me for being a stinky bloggy buddy, I would greatly appreciate it. By the way, thanks for your sweet words of encouragement (written in Sharpie) on my last post.

Lately I've been praying a lot for wisdom. If I had gotten around to doing a Sunday dinner this week, the following would have been my verse.


"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."
James 1:5, NIV


I love the first part of this verse like it's saying: "This only applies to those people who lack wisdom. All you naturally wise folks can just ignore this verse." I mean, really, don't we all lack wisdom? So perhaps the significance of this first part is that we recognize that true wisdom comes only from God. We must approach Him humbly, acknowledging our need.

I love the next part. All we have to do is ask. Then He will give us wisdom in abundance and without finding fault. He knows it is in our nature to try to do things on our own. It's like those times that I've tried to assemble something without the instructions, then after realizing that I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm making a huge mess of things, surrender to the fact that I need those instructions. Oh, how often I try to live making it up as I go, only to fall flat on my face to seek God's wisdom from His Instruction Manual of the Bible.

I love the story of Solomon asking God to give him wisdom and the subsequent accounts of Solomon using this gift to rule wisely. Every day I feel I need the wisdom of Solomon to be a parent. And never have I needed wisdom more than parenting my adopted son who comes from such brokenness.

While I find myself pouring over God's Instruction Manual and crying out for wisdom, I know the assembly required to help Daniel heal from past pain and help shape him into a young man who seeks God is relatively easy compared to many I know who are also parenting older adopted children. My heart aches hearing their stories of attachment issues and behavior challenges. I know it is by the grace of God that we are not dealing with the same level of hurt.

So on this Whatcha Reading Wednesday I wanted to share about a blog that I think might encourage those of you seeking wisdom in parenting your biological and adopted children.

The blog is written by Summer at Transformed from Glory to Glory. She is a missionary in Uganda, serving alongside her husband and parenting (soon to be) 12 children. Ten of them are adopted.

She has shared many words of wisdom regarding Christ-centered parenting. One post in particular that really made me think was "A Disorder or Disorder?"
and then there was a response to that post that I thought was wonderful-- "A Wise Adoptee." There's an author mentioned in these two posts that I know nothing about and there seems to be controversy in his views. Thus I want to say that I don't support this author/ministry or necessarily oppose it either.

But there are two books that have been helpful as I seek wisdom in parenting--"Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Tedd Tripp and "Age of Opportunity" by Paul David Tripp.

So, whatcha reading right now? Okay, now I've got to go clean out the fridge.

Happy Wednesday!
Kathie

Writing with Permanent Marker

Today was one of those days. Two sick kids and our air-conditioning upstairs decided to take a vacation. It is roughly the temp of the surface of the sun. Thus we are "camping" in our family room tonight. Nothing like the great indoors.

An AC angel will be coming between 1:00 p.m. and 4:00 p.m. tomorrow to fix it. He will be getting a group hug from one very sweaty family--that is if we haven't melted.

Anyway, we stayed close to home because Ava and Brady felt so crummy and I took the opportunity to catch up around the house. I was picking up the sofa pillows that had been tossed on the floor when I made a horrifying discovery.

I found this.
(Exhibit A.)



That, ladies and the one gentleman who reads my blog, is the cap off of a permanent marker. I knew that somewhere around my house was a Sharpie without it's hat!

(Exhibit B.)



I knew it was quite possibly in the hands of a child who was feeling creative (and immortal) or in the back pocket of a child who was practicing her somersaults. I envisioned carpeting and upholstery, bedspreads and baseboards, getting the business end of this marker on the loose.

Most of the time my Sharpie is my friend. I label things like a rancher brands cattle. Many germs have been contained by the labeling of water bottles. Many wars have been avoided at the community pool simply because our diving toys and floats were autographed by Mom.

Still, I have flashbacks to the time that Olivia (about 3 years old at the time), got hold of a Sharpie and gave herself a Hitler moustache. I scrubbed till her lip was raw, but it just wouldn't come off. I got a lot of nasty looks at the grocery store till it finally disappeared.

I did find the marker before too much damage was done. It was in Brady's hands and he was challenging his brother to a sword fight with writing implements. I handled the situation like an undercover cop and commanded, "Put down the marker and nobody gets hurt!"

Once the marker was safely out of reach and my blood pressure had returned to normal, I shared a little analogy with my kiddos relating to the marker. We've recently had some kidding and sarcasm that I felt was going over the line. Nothing intentionally hurtful, but I have four very sensitive children who wound easily so we have a zero tolerance for things that "do not build up."

I explained that our words to each other aren't written with washable/non-toxic Crayola markers. (Can you tell I've been buying school supplies lately?) They mark our hearts and our spirits with permanence.

You can spot a child who has been told they are stupid or slow or worthless. You might as well have written the words on their faces because the hurt is so evident in their expressions. You can also recognize a child who has been told he is loved and special and a one-of-a-kind masterpiece. There is usually a light about them that says, "I'm cherished."

I still remember things that were said to me--good and bad--as a child and as an adult. Some of those things shaped who I am today.

I'll never forget a Sharpie moment with my high school guidance counselor. I remember having my turn to go into his office and discuss what subjects to take for my junior year. Although he seemed like a nice man, I was very nervous. He looked just like Kenny Rogers and I kept expecting him to burst into song with "The Gambler."

As he looked over my records I could hear the tune playing--"You gotta know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away, know when to run."

And I wanted to run. I knew I didn't look like much on paper. My grades were good, but nothing on a valedictorian level. I don't have a clue what my standardized testing showed, but knowing my weakness in math my score would probably have been higher by penciling in the circles in a pretty pattern.

He looked up at me and asked, "What do you want to do when you grow up?"

I wasn't expecting that question and didn't know what to say. I could have talked for hours about my hopes and dreams but like a ding-a-ling responded with, "I don't know."

The ball was back in his court and I was hoping he would live up to his title as "guidance counselor" and tell me what I was good at, what made me special, and what wonderful options I had to prepare me for the future.

And this was his advice: "I recommend that you take typing next year because you will most likely spend your life typing someone else's letters."

Ouch.

I know he didn't mean it the way it came out. It was actually wonderful advice that I take typing, yet I felt that he had written "worthless" across my forehead. As his instructions echoed, I realized that he envisioned my highest achievement to be recording someone else's words.

But this story does have a happy ending. His words were the kick in the rear that I needed. For the first time in my life I was absolutely determined to do my best. I'm still living out Colossians 3:23: "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men."

So each day I try to write blessings on my children's hearts--knowing it's so easy to write the encouraging words on, but so difficult to take the hurtful words off.

And guess what? My guidance counselor was absolutely right. Every time I sit down to write, I ask God to give me the words He wants me to share. What a privilege to spend my life seeking to "type Someone Else's words."

More Than Lots,
Kathie

Technical Difficulties

Okay. It seems every time I log onto my blog I feel like I've been robbed. It started with my playlist below. I added my favorite songs each week so anyone who stopped by could find some encouragement with the listed tunes.

Occasionally I'd see one disappear. I could handle one loss from the musical cookie jar at a time. But a few weeks ago I looked at my playlist and at least HALF my beloved songs were gone! I'm trying not to take it personally but the paranoid side of me wonders if the heads of major record labels got together, expressed concern that some crazy lady was listing their songs on her blog and calling them "dessert", and decided to put an end to it.

It hurt. Losing Leeland was bad enough, but to take Third Day . . . below the belt.

So today I pulled up my blog and realized my background had disappeared. To most bloggers this is no big deal. They change their backgrounds like they change their clothes. They adorn their blogs with cute little seasonal patterns and accessorize with bloggy buttons that blink like pocket-sized billboards.

Not me. I am loyal to the background that I painstakingly posted by my technologically challenged self. Just seeing "html code" makes me break into hives. If I want to cut and paste, I use safety scissors and a glue stick.

All this to explain why there is a new background. It's not that I'm adventurous, just that someone took my cyber clothes and I grabbed the first thing I could put on. I just hope my new outfit doesn't make my sidebar look too big. ;)

Technically Insane,
Kathie

Sunday Dinner: Let the Waters Rise

It's so nice to have internet again! After a week without contact with the outside world, we returned home to have a thunderstorm that knocked out our internet for several hours. But at least I wasn't tempted to catch up online when I needed to be unpacking and catching up at home!

I shared a few weeks ago about lessons learned from the ocean (that post can be found here). This past week I had another lesson from sea as we visited the beach again.

The waves were really rough last week when we were vacationing with my extended family in South Carolina. The first day Daniel and I ventured out hand in hand. Our strategy was to get far enough from the shore where we weren't hit by the breaking waves. We'd make a few steps of progress only to be carried back by the tide. We were managing but I could tell he was getting scared.

Then one big ole wave hit us. There were a few seconds that I lost hold of Daniel's hand and his head was underwater. He surfaced with his goggles crooked screaming, "Mama, I want to go back!"

We were trying to hightail it to the shore when I turned around and saw a massive wave coming toward us. We're talking a "Perfect Storm" kind of mountain of water where you know this is going to end with water up your nose, sand in your mouth, and bathing suit around your ankles. There was no way we were going to outrun this one. I instructed him to hold his nose, go under the water, and count to ten.

I wasn't sure if he heard me. It happened so fast. I went under the water, too, and surfaced seconds later. When I came up, Daniel was fine . . . even smiling.

We ran toward the shore, making it before another wave hit. He exclaimed, "It worked! The wave didn't get me!"

I couldn't help but think how this is like life. There are times that I see the wave coming. I panic because there is no way to escape it. Then I remember that it's when I try to fight things on my own will and in my own way that the wave of trials wipes me out. But when I remember to surrender to the One who is greater than the sea, bigger than the waves of pain and hardship, then I know to hide under the protection of the Almighty.

Today's Sunday dinner of scripture is (the idea behind Sunday dinner is here):

"These things I have spoken unto you, that in me you might have peace. In the world you shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."

John 16:33

Wow. Jesus' words in His last days on earth bring such comfort. I remember clinging to this scripture in the days following the death of our first son in the last month of my pregnancy. God blessed us with another new life a few months after and I remember telling my girls that we had been granted the gift of another pregnancy. But Ava looked up at me and asked, "Mom, what if this baby dies, too?"

I wanted so badly to tell her that this baby would be fine, but knew I couldn't make that promise. The promise I knew I could give her was that no matter the outcome, God would carry us through any future pain or grief because we had seen God's faithfulness with the loss of Luke.

This week's dessert of song is called "Let the Waters Rise" by Mikeschair. The lyrics couldn't be more perfect. I love the line "You were faithful before. You'll be faithful again. " Amen!!!

As Daniel and I sat on the shore last week recovering from our adventure with the waves, I asked him if he was afraid to go back in the ocean later. To my relief he said no. (Although he did spend some quality time on his sand castle that day.)

As I sit on the shore of my life, I don't have the fears that I once had. In Christ I have peace. In this world there will be tribulations, but I serve a Mighty God who is greater than the pain of this world!

May you feel His perfect peace this week.

More Than Lots,
Kathie

We're Home!

We had a wonderful vacation with my side of the family. I have many photos from the trip but for now I'll just share this one.



After years of mentally Photoshopping Daniel into our family pics, I just LOVE any photo that has all four of my children. I keep hoping and praying that there will be one more sweet face in the family huddle next year.

We cut our trip short to come back on Thursday night to attend Brad's sister's wedding rehearsal and dinner. We don't do anything easy around here. We left the beach at 8:00 a.m. but got caught in construction traffic. We arrived home at 3:30 p.m. giving us 30 min. to change clothes and head across town for the rehearsal. I'm sure we looked like a bunch of circus clowns hopping out of the minivan with our pillows and suitcases and minutes later returning dressed up. Never a dull moment. This photo is from Thursday.



Then we attended her wedding last night. It was beautiful. I don't want to publish photos of others without their permission so I'll just share one more of my cute kiddos.



I have many thoughts and stories to share but I'll save them for another time because I can barely keep my eyes open. I hope you are enjoying each day with those you love!

More Than Lots,
Kathie

Greetings from the Island Without Internet

Okay, I have a really great excuse for not posting for a while. We are vacationing with my side of the family (this year that adds up to 22 people) at a place called Edisto Island, South Carolina. It's about an hour outside of Charleston and my family has been coming here for more than 30 years.


I've heard it described as Mayberry with a beach. There are no high rise hotels, just a few restaurants, and one Piggly Wiggly. The night life consists of Bingo on Tuesday and Thursday nights sponsored by the Lion's Club, walking along the beach watching the sunset, and playing card games at the kitchen table.


We started today with a bike ride, continued with a game of putt putt, spent a few hours riding waves at the beach, followed by a dip in the pool, watched a movie during lunch/naptime, the boys went fishing with their grandpa, my sister made a fabulous dinner, another bike ride, another frolic in the waves at sunset, and we played a bunch of games together till the yawns took over the laughter.

I guess the only thing we are lacking is an internet connection--and really that's not such a bad thing. The house we are sharing doesn't have Wifi but my brother-in-law has a wireless card so he is graciously letting me use his laptop so I can say hi to my bloggy friends. I have much to share but it may just have to wait till we return home.

I hope you all are having some sweet summer days with those you love, too!

More Than Lots,
Kathie

Whatcha Reading Wednesday: Radical

Okay, last week I started Whatcha Reading Wednesday. I can't promise that I'll have a post every Wednesday, but if I have something worth sharing, you'll see it here. It's funny that my bloggy friend Kristin left a comment last week that she was reading "Radical" by David Platt. I thought that was neat because I've been listening to the Radical series online. Truly convicting.

I have been clicking on the sermons to listen to while I fold laundry at night. And I don't usually get past one towel--this is not "background material." It is "will render you motionless/need to rewind and hear again" kinds of stuff. Although my laundry efficiency is taking a hit, my heart is being renewed and my views about what it means to be a Christian are being challenged.

I encourage you to listen to the sermons or read the book. You can click the button below to access the video series.



I also came across a beautifully written post about adoption and Christ's radical love for us. It is "Grace for the Orphan" from the blog Faithful Remembrances. All I know about the writer is that she is the mother of 5 children--some of whom are adopted--and she truly understands the price paid for her adoption.

Okay, now it's your turn. Whatcha reading?

More Than Lots,
Kathie